I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
