It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
