Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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