I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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