I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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