she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
