Umm I'm too high to move.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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