Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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