I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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