if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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