My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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