apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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