Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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