Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
