And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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