Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i think im in europe. pls send help
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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