You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
