she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even my farts smell like vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
