ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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