HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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