we're blogging at a bar
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
