I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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