Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
