Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
