So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
