My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
