YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
