I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
