I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize