just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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