My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
