It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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