hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Randomize
