but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
