Soap is not a condiment
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
