I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just gift wrapped bread.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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