Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
