Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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