So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Mom said you looked used
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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