my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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