I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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