I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
