there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
