Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize