im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Please don't give away my fajitas
we should paint friendship bongs
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