i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
