Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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