Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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