xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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