The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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