So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
