Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
