what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
