I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
