Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
