he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
