So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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