I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
