Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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