I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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