I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
