just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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