and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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