1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
