Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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