At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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