i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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