My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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