shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
