angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
