4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
