shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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